10 on the 10th

So in light of all the things going on my life I am going to take this oppurtunity to share 10 things I am thankful for this month.

1. I am thankful that I serve a God that is alive and loves me unconditionally.
2. My kids who have been amazing throughout this whole ordeal. That also includes my stepkids.
3. Seeing my precious grandbaby's smile.
4. Friends that listen to me vent and trust me I have done that so much this last month.
5. Godly counsel I am so encouraged to have people that not only give me advice but encourage me along   the way and remind me of what God wants for my life which is most important.
6. Christian music and my iPod I listen to every day on my daily walk and it just speaks to me and lifts my spirit.
7. Football- LOL I enjoy it so much and watching my 8 year old play has been so amazing and exciting..I honestly forget about everything when hes playing.
8. My family ...especially my Mom she has helped me so much during all of this. I am thankful to have my family.
9. My church family...I have not been bombarded with questions...just with love and prayers.
10. My youth family...I know they are also part of the church but to me they are like "real" family...from Josh and Kristen and all those youth girls ...they have helped me more than they know. They have my back and I have theirs...I am eternally grateful for them.


I dont know whats going to happen but I know with what I have..I know I will be fine.

Growing Pains!

Well its been a while and everything continues to change....this is my therapy.

My passion is working with teenagers....w/o a doubt its the only thing I wanna do right now.
Love is a choice and if you choose to love on a regular basis God will instill a love that cant be taken away even if you really want it to.
My kids are amazingly strong and much better than I give them credit for.
My son is in for a rude awakening b/c he can no longer sleep at night and school starts back in less than a week.
Gods not counting on me to hold Him up...so I can't let Him down.
In struggles you find out who your friends are...and I have more than I imagined.
God's Will doesn't change even if the circumstances do.
Unconditional love is difficult and I cant imagine how God loves us all the time.
When He calls me to do something He's worth the challenge even if I dont think the person that it benefits is.
I can't change anyones feelings or actions but my own.


As you can tell I have been forced to grow beyond my realm of comfort. My husband walked out and left me utterly devastated. My 8 year old cant phathom what or why this is all happening. He has come to the conclusion that his daddy doesn't love him although I have tried to convince him otherwise. God is speaking so clearly to me and I have been so blessed to be encouraged to follow God's Will although its not the "norm" in todays society. I am by far a "perfect wife" or perfect anything for that matter. I do however see where I have faulted in this relationship and I am working on myself. Regardless of the end result to this story I will praise God through this storm. I appreciate every prayer sent up on my behalf and encourage you to also pray for my husband. Like my son said you dont walk out when things get tough. Its amazing what adults could learn from kids if they listened.

Ok so here I've blogged and I cheated by doing a survey ...

Well after looking at Mallorye and Gingers blog...I found this and decided...what the hay!




1. What is your name spelled backwards? Aicila Good Luck with that one.


2. What did you do last night? Adrienne had a track meet and afterwards I came home and made pizzas ...this is riveting I know...



3. What was the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Pictures



4. Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery? Yes..and I've done it more than once... I had a big brother I'm just going to leave it at that..


5. When is the last time you swam in a pool? During Spring Break in Mobile,AL


6. What are you wearing right now? Black Adidas pants, Softball t-shirt and flip flops YAY



7. How many cars have you owned? I dont know 7 ish?


8. What is the type of music you detest most? I like all kinds of music ...some screamo stuff really annoys me...I like to be able to understand the words



9. Are you registered to vote? Yes I am



10. Do you have cable? Yes ..just basic



11. What kind of computer do you use? Well we have a Dell desktop, a netbook and a Dell laptop



12. Have you ever made a prank phone call? Not lately no...but yes I have in the past on a regular basis but unlike today I actually pranked called people I didn't know and told them things like they won prizes from various radio stations and the "Is your refridgerator running?" Good Time Good Times!


13. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Nope not voluntarily



14. What is the farthest you've ever traveled? California



15. What is your favorite comic strip? I love Garfield and That Family one..



16. Do you know all the words to the National Anthem? Sadly no..



17. What is your favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni and Mushrooms


18. Chips or Popcorn? Really depends on the mood



19. Who is your cell phone provider? AT&T



20. Do you shower in the morning or night? When I worked it was usually in the morning but now its when I get a chance...



21. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? The question is...have you? No I have not..



22. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Nope



23. Orange Juice or Apple Juice? Orange Juice


24. Who were the last people you ate lunch with? I ate lunch with Rick today we caught up on things it was nice ...if we are talking "out to eat lunch" it was with Ginger but I dont remember the day 



25. Favorite Chocolate Bar? Hmmm Hersheys or Snickers



26. Who is your oldest friend and how long have you known each other? Tiffany Brackin been friends since we were 4 years old (no joke) We still talk and even if its been years its like yesterday...


27. When was the last time you ate a homegrown tomato? I dont recall but I'm ready for one



28. Have you ever won a trophy? I have never won a trophy ...seriously



29. Favorite arcade game? Ms PacMan


30. Ever ordered from an infomercial? I dont think I have...



31. Sprite or 7UP? I really dont drink either unless I put it in with my sherbet



32. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work/school? Yes I have



33. The last thing you bought at Walgreens? I dont remember Oh Gingers medicine


34. Ever thrown up in public? Yes I was pregnant with twins and I threw up all the time everywhere it was a long 6 months


35. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? Pretty sure I've found true love...give me the millions



36. Do you believe in love at first sight? I dont know I think when you know you know but I do think you gotta get a little past the surface to know for sure.



37. Spongebob or Jimmy Neutron? WOW One shouldn't have to choose between these 2 but Spongebob makes me laugh more so Ill go with him.



38. Did you have long hair as a kid? I did...and then I rocked a mullet for a long time ...Thanks again Mom.



39. What message is on your Voicemail machine? "Hey this is Alicia. You know what to do" I'm pretty sure I didn't know Mal and I had the same voicemail but I've had mine forever and have been meaning to change it but ahhh I dont have to listen to to it so I dont care.



40. Where would you like to go right now? Hmmm Pensacola again or Atlanta to see that precious Kaylin



41. What's the name of your pet? Chocolate lab is named Gypsy and English Bulldog named Ole Miss aka Missy



42. What kind of backpack do you have and what's in it? I have my green LL Bean backpack its empty I use it during the summer for the pool and stuff



43. What kind of tennis shoes do you have? New Balance



44. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Rick Chambers last night when he was asking me about the track meet and stuff


45. Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny? I refuse to pick I love them both and you can't make me choose.

What I've learned..part 2

Well I have to admit my first blog about "What I've learned" was very theraputic(SP?) I find comfort in being able to express myself. So I'm going to make another one. If you have a life like mine you will have to learn...or things will go bad very quickly. You gotta adapt or you wont survive!

1. One of my twins still struggles with the loss of Amelia and I gotta get him help.

2. The more I do the less I'm appreciated.

3. My birthday is hard to remember for my family at least..:(

4. My 7 year old likes to wear ties...I knew that but I keep thinking he will grow out of it and he hasn't

5. Wearing Superman pajamas to Pajama Day in 2nd grade isn't as cool as it used to be... (for the record I encouraged him to wear other pajamas and he insisted)

6. I'm not sure what I need or like anymore. I gotta figure this out...

7. I dont make time to blog like I used to b/c lately I haven't had anything nice to say so I haven't said anything at all .

8. Holidays are bittersweet and some days just mostly bitter...

9. Friendships shouldn't be hard if they are you should change that...(whatever that means)

10. Giving my kids everything they want...isn't teaching them life lessons...

11. People never live up to my expectations of them...and I probably dont live up to theirs of me.. I'm gonna be okay with that. ...One day!

12. Sometimes your husband is going to cut the top of your Christmas tree off and its going to look stupid but thats okay b/c there isn't a contest..

13. I'm a packrat..and my  husband isn't buying the whole "I'm gonna put it in a scrapbook" idea anymore!

14.I need a reason to get up and get dressed in the morning or I probably wont...

15.I don't like it when my kids are mad at me...

16. It creeps me out when people take the garbage I've put out to the road.

17. My husband and I aren't bothered by the same things.

18. I didn't tell anyone my New Years Resolutions this year. Well not the real ones.

19.I have a fear of failure yet when my kids express theirs I tell them there is nothing to fear.

20. 2010 is going to be a year for me to work on me.

Friendships and Fellowship

This week I have thought alot about those two things I have met some great "family" since I have lived in Paragould. I call them family b/c they have been there for me whenever I have needed them. My dear friends good friend passed away this week and it made me realize how precious time is...God doesn't promise us tomorrow. We tend to get busy in our own lives and forget to make time for friends and fellowship. Sure we chat here and there but we dont stop and enjoy each other the way I believe God intended. I think He wants us to laugh and love and live lives with people...true relationships. The more we perfect our relationships with our husbands, family and friends...I think the better and more understanding we are in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I am so glad I got to sit down and laugh and spend time with my "family" last night. G and Q and Kev and Kim are very important to my family. I know with Q and Kev heading out (Afghanistan) those moments are precious and I appreciate them sharing their time with me and my family. I admire them all for the sacrifices they have made and are continuing to make for us. Their families are amazingly strong and I hope I can help lift them up while their husbands are gone. I hope I can keep spending time with friends and building these relationships. I do love all my friends that are like family and have found that I do truly need them in my life.  Happy Birthday Jarred! Kim I hope you are making it through this day! :)

Happy Birthday Just and Jere!

Ok so I am a day late...on blogging but considering the week I have had that's pretty good. My twins are now 15!!! I cannot believe it. We had See You At The Pole yesterday and Saw You At The Pole last night so they didn't really get to enjoy their day the way most birthdays are celebrated. They did have fun and get to hang out with close friends and have pizza and cookie cake and cupcakes. (Yea both) Every year one of them makes a compromise...(Just) but this year I got him his cookie cake and he as happy. This week our grandbaby Kaylin is here and I have been exhausted I even forgot to take them lunch so Rick and I decided when we go to Memphis Friday we will just let the boys miss school and go eat in Memphis. When they got this news they were totally fine with me not bringing them lunch. Imagine that huh? I just want to say after having an 8 1/2 month old baby for the past few days I am completely ok with them growing up lol.

9-7-03

6 years ago today marks the biggest turning point in my life. I know exactly where I was and remember exactly what I was thinking which is odd b/c the next 3 months maybe even next year was a complete blur. I sat in Cleveland Clinic in the step down unit with Amelia questioning everything fearing the worst about my Princess. My fear? That she had completely given up and was tired of fighting it was in her face...in her eyes it was like I could see her soul. Her Rick (Daddy) and Papa had left and she was tired in every sense of the word. She didn't want to be Snow White she didn't want to spend the night at Nana and Papa's she just wanted to be left alone. IT was the first time in her life I had ever seen her defeated. I was crushed she was who I stayed strong for she was my trooper and my trooper was giving up. Everyone knew something bad was going on but noone knew what that was or how to fix it. The nurses that were ending there 72 hr rotation were saying see you Wednesday...which was impossible b/c we was supposed to go home Monday..they knew. I knew. Amelia even knew. The docs made rounds 9-8...and all agreed she was not doing well...and decided to do a minor surgery to "evacuate a clot" so simple but I knew it wasn't that simple deep down it seemed major. When they came to get her and I got to carry her into the OR I didn't want to let go she even hugged me a lil tighter it was the last time my Princess would tell me she loved me it was the last time I would know she heard and understood me. I dont recall if I sang it or if it was in the background but "You are my Sunshine" is what I hear when I see this visual image..It was the song I sang to her when i held her "Please don't take my Sunshine AWAY" was my prayer my cry out to the Lord. I am certain God gave me peace when everything was frantic I am certain He gave me rest because when Jennifer (our fave nurse) came in the room I was resting. The words coming from her mouth haunt me "She coded and we are doing everything we can to get her back...I can't stay I gotta go help with her" I truly believe Jennifer needed to be in there and I needed her to be in there...I looked around in a haze...everyone on the floor was frantic everything seemed to be in slow motion but you could tell something was going on. The people next door were getting ready to go home and they said Dr Mee's nurses are running around everywhere literally running. I didn't know they was running for Amelia they were trying to save her life. I was sitting there trying to figure out what I was supposed to do who I was supposed to call trying to stay calm but there was no way. For the first time since 7-1-97 I did not want to be Amelia's Mom b/c it was unbearable I did not want to be in my skin...I honestly wanted it to be me having my heart put on bypass because it was truly breaking. I wanted to scream I had noone there yet noone to hug me. I didn't want Rick to know how bad it was because he wasn't there yet he was stuck in Detroit. His flight was delayed all I could do was call people and give them news and I don't even remember who I called or what I said . I was fortunate to have been to Cleveland enough to know the staff there and they was very helpful. It didn't matter there was nothing anyone could say or do to calm me. I was in limbo. I couldn't breath I have never felt so out of control. I think back to that time and realize how different I am now and how much that changed me. My walk with Christ is different.  I pray different. I love different. I cry different. I even laugh different. It changed every part of me...I grew and the growing pains hurt. Right now 6 years later I'm better, stronger, and know more about love God's love then I have ever known. I gauge all pain against that pain and none compares thats what makes me stronger. There's a scar on my heart that willl always be and I keep as a reminder of  how precious time and love is and how big God is.