Friendships and Fellowship

This week I have thought alot about those two things I have met some great "family" since I have lived in Paragould. I call them family b/c they have been there for me whenever I have needed them. My dear friends good friend passed away this week and it made me realize how precious time is...God doesn't promise us tomorrow. We tend to get busy in our own lives and forget to make time for friends and fellowship. Sure we chat here and there but we dont stop and enjoy each other the way I believe God intended. I think He wants us to laugh and love and live lives with people...true relationships. The more we perfect our relationships with our husbands, family and friends...I think the better and more understanding we are in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I am so glad I got to sit down and laugh and spend time with my "family" last night. G and Q and Kev and Kim are very important to my family. I know with Q and Kev heading out (Afghanistan) those moments are precious and I appreciate them sharing their time with me and my family. I admire them all for the sacrifices they have made and are continuing to make for us. Their families are amazingly strong and I hope I can help lift them up while their husbands are gone. I hope I can keep spending time with friends and building these relationships. I do love all my friends that are like family and have found that I do truly need them in my life.  Happy Birthday Jarred! Kim I hope you are making it through this day! :)

Happy Birthday Just and Jere!

Ok so I am a day late...on blogging but considering the week I have had that's pretty good. My twins are now 15!!! I cannot believe it. We had See You At The Pole yesterday and Saw You At The Pole last night so they didn't really get to enjoy their day the way most birthdays are celebrated. They did have fun and get to hang out with close friends and have pizza and cookie cake and cupcakes. (Yea both) Every year one of them makes a compromise...(Just) but this year I got him his cookie cake and he as happy. This week our grandbaby Kaylin is here and I have been exhausted I even forgot to take them lunch so Rick and I decided when we go to Memphis Friday we will just let the boys miss school and go eat in Memphis. When they got this news they were totally fine with me not bringing them lunch. Imagine that huh? I just want to say after having an 8 1/2 month old baby for the past few days I am completely ok with them growing up lol.

9-7-03

6 years ago today marks the biggest turning point in my life. I know exactly where I was and remember exactly what I was thinking which is odd b/c the next 3 months maybe even next year was a complete blur. I sat in Cleveland Clinic in the step down unit with Amelia questioning everything fearing the worst about my Princess. My fear? That she had completely given up and was tired of fighting it was in her face...in her eyes it was like I could see her soul. Her Rick (Daddy) and Papa had left and she was tired in every sense of the word. She didn't want to be Snow White she didn't want to spend the night at Nana and Papa's she just wanted to be left alone. IT was the first time in her life I had ever seen her defeated. I was crushed she was who I stayed strong for she was my trooper and my trooper was giving up. Everyone knew something bad was going on but noone knew what that was or how to fix it. The nurses that were ending there 72 hr rotation were saying see you Wednesday...which was impossible b/c we was supposed to go home Monday..they knew. I knew. Amelia even knew. The docs made rounds 9-8...and all agreed she was not doing well...and decided to do a minor surgery to "evacuate a clot" so simple but I knew it wasn't that simple deep down it seemed major. When they came to get her and I got to carry her into the OR I didn't want to let go she even hugged me a lil tighter it was the last time my Princess would tell me she loved me it was the last time I would know she heard and understood me. I dont recall if I sang it or if it was in the background but "You are my Sunshine" is what I hear when I see this visual image..It was the song I sang to her when i held her "Please don't take my Sunshine AWAY" was my prayer my cry out to the Lord. I am certain God gave me peace when everything was frantic I am certain He gave me rest because when Jennifer (our fave nurse) came in the room I was resting. The words coming from her mouth haunt me "She coded and we are doing everything we can to get her back...I can't stay I gotta go help with her" I truly believe Jennifer needed to be in there and I needed her to be in there...I looked around in a haze...everyone on the floor was frantic everything seemed to be in slow motion but you could tell something was going on. The people next door were getting ready to go home and they said Dr Mee's nurses are running around everywhere literally running. I didn't know they was running for Amelia they were trying to save her life. I was sitting there trying to figure out what I was supposed to do who I was supposed to call trying to stay calm but there was no way. For the first time since 7-1-97 I did not want to be Amelia's Mom b/c it was unbearable I did not want to be in my skin...I honestly wanted it to be me having my heart put on bypass because it was truly breaking. I wanted to scream I had noone there yet noone to hug me. I didn't want Rick to know how bad it was because he wasn't there yet he was stuck in Detroit. His flight was delayed all I could do was call people and give them news and I don't even remember who I called or what I said . I was fortunate to have been to Cleveland enough to know the staff there and they was very helpful. It didn't matter there was nothing anyone could say or do to calm me. I was in limbo. I couldn't breath I have never felt so out of control. I think back to that time and realize how different I am now and how much that changed me. My walk with Christ is different.  I pray different. I love different. I cry different. I even laugh different. It changed every part of me...I grew and the growing pains hurt. Right now 6 years later I'm better, stronger, and know more about love God's love then I have ever known. I gauge all pain against that pain and none compares thats what makes me stronger. There's a scar on my heart that willl always be and I keep as a reminder of  how precious time and love is and how big God is.

Back 2 School 09

Wow where has the time gone? My twins are entering into "the years the count" ! Thats how they refer to it.. So what have I been worried about the past 10 years lol? My precious daughter is starting her 1st year as a real Lady Eagle (7th grade sports)and my baby boy starts his last year at the Primary. It's so bittersweet. I can't help but wonder where Amelia would fit in all this if she where here (pre final repair surgery) I do know God had bigger and better things for her. I also know he has great things for the 4 He has let me keep. Its an emotional day and I'm sure it always will be. But, I wont cry I will just be thankful for what I do have! I am so blessed to have kids that keep me laughing. If that picture could talk you would be laughing too! Have a blessed day..kiss your kids and tell them that you love them even if they think you're dumb! :D

Again I'm glad these pics can't talk!

Our tradition a pic of him standing by his name...I wonder how much longer he will let me do that?

Another year closer...

Well summer is quickly coming to an end. My twins are another year closer to graduating from high school. They will be 15 in Sept and I just shutter everytime I think of that. Adrienne will be 14 and I look at their lives and realize they are at a point where I can't make all the decisions for them. I have to give them to God and pray that over the past 15 years I've instilled something good in them. I see my daughter already struggling with choices which path to go down. I see my sons trying to figure out who they are and what that means their battles with God and how much they are willing to relinquish to Him. I watch them and just wanna run up to them and turn them in the right direction but know I can't. When I was their age I had already messed up so much more. I guess in a sense that's a victory I have to take these small wins and cherish them. I know God has their hand on them. I just have to rest in that knowing He is in control.

On a happier (however you wanna look at it) my baby will be 7 Friday. He's growing up so fast going into 2nd grade. He is such an amazing kid just full of energy and totally fearless. I look at him and cant help but think Thank you God for knowing what I needed because at the time I really didn't think I "needed" another baby. I know that sounds harsh so don't get me wrong I love my kids with everything in me. I hope tomorrow is a special day and this year brings lots of great things for him. I'm guessing since he hasn't lost many teeth it will be a year for lots of tooth fairy visits LOL

I know I haven't blogged much this summer but it's been super busy and I will blog with pics as soon as I get a chance.

The Mother's Day card I didn't get!

I got to typing and thinking about life and how truly blessed I am to have awesome children who honestly try to make my day special. I have 3 teenagers so its very easy for them to get "sidetracked" but they don't on this day. But, I also can't help but remember there is 1 hug, card, kiss, I love you, that I'm not getting. I think sometimes when does this heartbreak stop and I'm constantly reminded it doesn't b/c a piece of my heart is gone..it's in Heaven. There is joy and peace in knowing I will be reunited with her again. I know it will be a joyous day. But for now I will cry when I think of her and long for that day when I can hold her. I will remember her every Mother's Day, Christmas, July 1st, May 29th and Halloween and pretty much every other day in between. I will continue on some days as if nothing is wrong and those are the days when God has granted me that peace that only He can give. I know He is with me b/c those days....aren't everyday and He always assures me that she is perfect now which was her wish all along. I heard this song once that had nothing to do with what I took from it but it was called "If I Could Do It Again I Would Do It The Same" I have to admit for 1 more day with her I would go through it all again. As I looked through my 4 homemade cards from Bren I wondered what I would give to have a homemade card from Amelia. Ya know the ones on notebook paper with the funny lil drawings of "Momma" and you have to laugh about b/c you hope that's not what they see when they look at you. I treasure those cards more now than ever those are the ones that matter. As Darius Rucker put it..."It Won't Be Like This For Long"...sometimes it's shorter than we think. We don't get to choose when our kids grow up and we don't get to choose when they go Home but we do get to choose how much love we can show them. I had 7 years with Amelia and they were honestly the most trying years of my life but they were also the most rewarding. If God gave me the oppurtunity to do it again...I would b/c being her "Mommy" was worth every ounce of pain. I don't know what I did to get a child like her but I thank God He decided to bless me! I miss her dearly and I can't wait to get to that "Big House"



To my sweet Amelia:
You are a true "for real" princess now sweet angel and I will see you soon. Thank you for letting me be your mommy it was an honor.

Ok so it's been a while...

I know I never got around to the Chicago trip blog and now I'm slacking on just the "normal" stuff and those who know me...know "normal" has been redefined. "Normal" is running around everyday of the week with my kids. Well these last few weeks since I've been home...(month even) has been no different. I came home to Spring Break for the kids. My twins welcomed me with the flu...sick in bed almost ALL WEEK. They were mad I guess when you get a week long illness you are supposed to get to miss school not miss your week off school. We were still in the middle of boys club basketball which by that point...I was over! Bren however was not...he loved it. We also kicked off softball and baseball and of course soccer. Bren was involved in 3 sports and it was chaotic. Saturday is his last soccer game and all the bruises from boy's club basketball are healed. Justin and Jeremy are fine. Jere is finishing up AP stuff and getting ready for end of the year trips and exams. Justin is enjoying a leadership cell group and really growing in Christ. Adrienne tried out and made the volleyball team...which I'm still not sure how I feel about that. She is in the process of trying out for basketball. She is also playing softball. She is a center fielder and she loves that position. Bren is playing baseball and has found a new love for it. He is still going to be a baseball player when he grows up...as well as an artist, firefighter and a police officer...by that time he will be used to be so busy and may be able to pull it off! I got to celebrate a friend of mine's birthday and hang out with her and some of the youth from our church it was amazing and I got to eat at Fuji's which was a very fun experience. We have been having so much at our Lifechange on Wednesdays it just keeps getting better and better every week. I've barely had time to look up much less sit down and blog...I'll leave you with some pics...and will blog soon about my husbands new shift...he will be home with us from now on at nights and not miss all the games and fun and I might get to cook dinner more. I'm not sure how I will do or how easy it will be but I know God is in Control so it will be just fine. Well we had a Passover Dinner at our church and after we and by we I mean my whole family and 3 extra kids/teens Micah, Andrew and Jarred went to a friends house and dyed eggs and they decided to smile for a photo op. Well I just thought this was too cute to not take! They dressed alike and on accident of courseThis is Bren and his friend Tucker...they played against each other and I can't wait for them to be on the same team.
Ok I saved the best for last...this was Bren's first attempt at a practical joke. Notice the Crunch Berries...and then Notice what's in the bowl (Frosted Flakes). Bren switched the bags and Justin was the victim. He was not all that happy about his lil brothers attempt at humor! Thank you Disney Channel for giving him that idea...I got a good laugh out of it of course...I always look into the box before I pour my cereal...and I dont know why I do that.

Conspire...our trip to Chicago!

Well I lost my whole Chicago blog somehow...not sure so I promise Im going to make a slideshow when I figure out how and post about it...Sorry long story short I had a blast I don't want to live there but it was fun and poppy seed buns are pretty good. I also love my husband and we may survive after our kids leave the nest. :D

What I've learned since my last blog!

I thought it would be fun to reflect on some of the things I've learned since my last blog...Some of this will be funny some not so much. I realize the older I get the more I learn about life and being a mother.

1. I've learned driving around Mississippi there is no "scenic route"

2. I've learned one of my boys doesn't use soap and he feels pretty good about that. But, he does wash his hair with shampoo and I should be proud of that. (this threw me) If you know my boys you can probably figure out which one I'm talking about.

3. I've learned no matter where I go I always run into someone from Paragould...and that is strange to me.

4.I've learned I need a break from my kids at the expense of missing one of their games.

5. I've learned I can't do everything...and some days I can't do anything...right.

6. I've learned for some things 4 years can change a lot and for others it changes nothing.

7. When my kids talk about Amelia it reminds me how much they miss her and it hurts me so deep down I almost can't stand it.

8. I've learned that some people may never change.

9. I've learned living for God is not the popular choice like I once thought and there are many sacrifices for that. .....All worth it I might add.

10. I've learned girls dont not have the same standards as we did as teens and I didn't think I had many!

11. I've realized that lately God as painted some of the most beautiful sunsets...and I should really enjoy them.

12. I've learned that if you don't like the weather in Northeast Arkansas don't worry it will change.

13. I've learned my son is a pretty good basketball player.

14. I've also learned Boy's Club basketball is very very time consuming.

15. I've learned that somedays I'm just hard to get along with...

16. I've learned that you cannot make up for that hour of sleep and it stinks really bad.

17. I've learned I did not miss my calling by not being a painter.

18. I've learned I have so much to learn about being a Godly friend, wife, and mother.

Last but not least...I've learned my kids are so precious and they grow up soo fast ...also they clean up well and look so cute at weddings! :D

Big God answers very small prayers

Ya know from my blog I have some strange thing happen with 3 teens and a 6 year old in the house. Well that is an understatement for what I'm about to tell you. Please note I'm only blogging this so I can remember it years from now. Well my son, Brendan has a stuffed animal named Super Boo Jr he rarely leaves home without him. So we had a busy night planned and Dana (friend) and I decided we would take our kids to eat between cell groups(older kids) and basketball practices (younger kids) We decided on Taco Bell and so far everything was going smoothly. We left Taco Bell and rushed off to basketball practice...so far so good. We leave basketball practice and run jumps out of the truck and immediately says open it back I left Super Boo Jr in there....you see where the ugly turn comes in? Super Boo Jr was not in the truck he wasn't anywhere to be found. Well I told the big kids to watch Bren while I ran back to Taco Bell to pick up Super Boo Jr...(Oh yea Super Boo Jr is a green dinosaur and he just so happened to be dressed in a tuxedo...yep I said a tuxedo) I ask the people in Taco Bell if they have seen it and they said I don't think so...as if they wouldn't have remembered seeing a green dinosaur...WEARING A TUXEDO! I looked around the place even in the men's bathroom I mean I had to I had a 6 year old at home crying. The dinosaur was nowhere to be found. So I'm off to the gym where I knew he didn't have it just to make sure for the sake of argument. Nope it wasn't there either. I stop at this point and think..."Seriously?" Well I decide I will just go back to Taco Bell b/c I know he left it there and give them my phone number so if they "find" it they can contact me. This is where the story gets really interesting. The manager at Taco Bell ask one of the employees if he has told me? So I'm like "Told me what?" So she starts to tell me this story about one of the employees taking this dinosaur and playing with and then selling it to a customer. Ok so I'm running around like a crazy person looking for a stuffed green dinosaur wearing a tuxedo and they are telling me an employee of Taco Bell sold my kids Super Boo Jr?????? Have I dropped into the Twilight Zone? I proceeded to ask this manager what their policy was on lost items in the store of course to find out...that was not their policy...(Good to know) The manager calls the employee and he denies everything. I also realize this employee waited on us and even watched Bren play with Super Boo Jr. This employee even suggested no lettuce on Bren's taco b/c I had forgotten to say that. I was irate! I go home still wondering if there was a full moon or maybe April Fool's Day had come early. Why would someone do this? Well Bren was full blown balling when I got home. I felt like there had been a death in our family. The big kids were even upset and very angry at Taco Bell even Adrienne and trust me that's a big deal. My friend Marsha called because she was picking up something from Wal Mart for me and I told her what was going on. Her husband told her it was a theft and I should report it to the police. At first I honestly laughed thinking seriously? I did reconsider and thought what will it hurt. I call the police station and talk to the investigator on duty and turns out he's someone I know. I told him it was going to be a strange conversation and he agreed it was a first for him. He never made light of it though because he realized my son was very upset. He called Taco Bell and took a report. He called me back and assured me he would work on the case...(it sounds really funny just putting it like that) Once the officer called me back Bren ran in there with tears still in his eyes and asked if they found him? At this point it was 11:15 and he was still awake. I told we would have to pray that the person that had him would do the right thing. The next morning my husband had to get up with us because he was leaving for his Pastor's Retreat and he prayed with Bren before we left for school. I took Rick up to the church and was telling the story to a few of the ladies up there and one of them said she had just found a smaller version of a green dinosaur and put it in the nursery. This was Duece Super Boo Jrs Mini Me. Bren knew he lost it at church but had decided someone had thrown it away or picked it up. He was very happy to know he at least had Duece back but said I still am praying that Super Boo Jr gets found too. We go through the whole weekend with Bren still saying I'm still praying and I believe he's going to be found. Rick asked me Monday morning what I was going to do about this guy because I hadn't actually "pressed charges" yet. I really considered what that meant and told Rick if Bren still has faith I'm going to just have faith too. Well we start off on our normal Monday night routine running Justin to his cell group and getting Bren to his basketball practice when my phone rings. It's the Paragould Police Dept and its the officer who is handling this situation. He says I'm looking at one green dinosaur! I was shocked he said someone had a "change of heart" and he "knew someone that knew someone" I didn't really care I was just happy he found my baby boy's best friend. We get up to the police station and walk in and the woman at the desk is holding him. Bren's face was priceless and to see that look it was almost worth it. ALMOST! I think those looks are God's gifts to the parents for never giving up. So lessons learned?
1. Double check and make sure your kid picked up everything they walked in with better yet make sure they leave it in the car!
2. Slow down because if your in a hurry you will forget something it's a wonder I haven't left a kid somewhere as busy as I've been lately.
3. Have the faith of a child and never give up because our BIG BIG God answers very small prayers.
4. Trust Him! I am learning alot from my kids and they trust God with EVERYTHING from the smallest to the biggest if they pray about it they believe it will happen. Imagine if we prayed about little things and believed and trusted God with it.
5. Somethings can't be replaced it's not always about money.
6. Just for fun I'm going to throw this in there for my friends that know Super Boo Jr. We are going to a wedding this weekend and I got an "I told you so" from my Brendan...He did not buy that dinosaur a tuxedo in vain! Now Super Boo Jr will be dressed appropriately for the wedding and noone will look at him strange...(that's yet to be determined) Did I mention Super Boo Jr wears "converse" sneakers with his tuxedo? Oh yea that's "Pimp" that's a quote from my 14 year old son. :D
7. This smile is worth however ridiculous I looked or sounded while trying to figure out what happened.

Conclusions I've come to...

Well I realized today that no matter what I do I can't undo what someone else did. I can't change how someone feels or acts. As a mother to 4 children that took 14 years to learn ...actually more like 31. I'm not sure how to do this. I'm pretty sure God does know though and will handle it accordingly. I dont know what all this means but I'm glad God gave me that nugget. I can't change something because I didn't do it! I also realized that just b/c something doesn't appear broke doesn't mean its not. Pray for me and my family as we try to heal and work through this.

I'm still here

Wow I know I haven't posted in over a month but it really didn't feel like it. I don't know where this year is going so fast. Basketball really speeds things up around our house. Mostly because our life revolves around this sport. Bren is actually going to start playing in March and we are pretty excited to watch him. So much as happened since my last post I don't know where to start...we have had ice storms, baby showers, tournaments and oh yeah we purchased a vehicle. Like I said sooo much to talk about. We are also working on a Fireproof lesson with our small group and it's interesting to say the least. LOL We lost power and fleed to the in laws for a day or two but we got to see the grandbaby which was fun. Oh and I learned candlelight dinners are overrated. It's been an interesting and very busy month. I have learned alot and really enjoyed most of it. I feel like I've been running nonstop for a while now. I started a Beth Moore study It's Tough Being a Woman! and let me tell you It's TOUGH BEING A BUSY MOM DOING A BETH MOORE STUDY!!! I am actually going to finish this and go work on my homework.

Our church family has suffered two losses within a weeks time and although I feel it will make us stronger it's hit pretty hard. It was a nice change to celebrate the lives of two beautiful women knowing where they are. Ms Glenda and Ms Joan you will be greatly missed and forever remembered for the impact you had on Southside.

I almost forgot to mention my babygirl got "babatized" by Pastor Pat. He is a very special person to Adrienne and she picked him over everyone on staff actually even her dad but only b/c she had already asked Pastor Pat. They got close during our Kansas Mission Trip and built an unbreakable bond. He has a passion for basketball too. She has alot of respect for him. I am very proud of her.

I will try to blog sooner next time. I will post more pics later.

Before and After

Well yesterday we finally went and got Adrienne's haircut. We love it. I had to post this pic b/c lately all I've seen her in is high buns and so it was nice to see her hair down. What do you think?

So much to tell ya...but first.

I just got up from the dinner table with my 3 teens and I literally laughed til my head hurt. I enjoy talking to them. You never really know what they are going to say. Tonight's dinner conversation ranged from Adrienne as a "girlfriend" to Justin's views on the music editor for the schools newspaper. Trust me you don't want to ask him about that one. I can honestly say my kids got their opinionated attitudes from me. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING. I love it! We have so much fun together. I try to teach them life lessons and I think they teach me more! I can't believe in less than 5 years they will be graduating :( Oh let's not forget Brendan he ate really fast so he could go and play the Wii (our new addiction). He's getting pretty impressive with the baseball on Wii. I had to explain to him what the mercy rule was and that was pretty fun. In my house there is never a dull moment.

Now I gotta update you with the big news. Mikey's wife Kelley had her baby. She gave birth to Kaylin Leeann Chambers on Jan 1st. Yep she was a New Year Baby for Oxford. She weighed in at 6lbs 10ozs and 21.5in. long. She is so long and skinny. She's beautiful. Being the New Year baby is def the way to go. Kelley got a years supply of diapers and a huge gift basket with all kinds of goodies. Mikey seemed so excited it was fun to watch him. They were both so tired though. I will leave yall with some pics of our precious New Year baby.

Rick with is parents...Can you tell they are proud?

The proud uncle...He was so excited about holding her. It was very sweet.

Ok so like I said earlier she was the first baby born in Oxford. Oxford is also home of the Ole Miss Rebels. Ole Miss is the school that Adrienne has said she was going to since she was in 1st grade. Pretty much as soon as she learned about college. So here she is on campus by the speed limit sign that is 18 after Archie Manning's number when he went there. We love the Manning family. Living in Arkansas now she does catch some flack for staying true to her roots. Although everyone that knows Adrienne knows that doesn't even phase her. Hotty Toddy! On a side note my son ya know the 6 year old that moved here when he was 2 wants an Arkansas Razorbacks shirt...we are hoping this too shall pass. :D

Out with the old in with the new!

Well first off let me say there is so much to blog about WOW what a roller coaster couple weeks since Christmas. Its really been wonderful but I will have to save that for another blog and trust me it's coming. Here's a hint...I'm a grammy (name pending) ;) Anywho I've been doing some reflecting lately. I have felt some serious lulls in my life worrying about things I really can't control. Ya see I don't have a real strong core of friends I mean I have friends I can tell anything to but I used to have a friends that I went everywhere with and I just haven't been able to find that again or even keep the one's I had. I've been trying to figure out why I can't seem to get that again. I realized it's me! Yeah it was a DUH moment. I am perfectly content with spending my days and nights with my kids and although an occasional night out with just me and maybe a friend is very nice it's nothing I really make time for. I for once in my life am content. My husband is really my best friend. We love spending time with our family. The times I've spent running around with and talking on the phone with people for endless hours are really not who I am anymore. I have found texting, twittering, facebook and myspace to be my best form of communication. I use that quiet time in the morning for talking to my kids and once they are dropped off just listening to music and praying and thinking about the day ahead. It's been really nice reflecting and getting comfortable with myself and my relationship with Rick and God. I really can't have it both ways. Don't get me wrong I love my friends and I truly regret not finding a happy medium with the ones that have wrote me off. I can't change the past all I can do is look forward to the future. I am trying to take a more positive look at things. I wont lie that will be hard for me. I've already struggled and failed. I am fortunate that God is helping me with this by showing me little ways that I can be positive. In 14 years I've never felt more content with my life. I love growing as Christians with my husband. I dont want to come off like I don't care about my friends because I really do I just can't worry about what I can't control. I don't want to get in that rut again where I stay so negative about everything. I know this is just a bunch of rambling but I needed to get it off my chest. In church Sunday the Pastor asked "What are you big rocks?" and it really got me to thinking about priorities and whats important. Sunday night after we left our small group I really got to thinking about this and have spent the rest of the week working on it. I have to go now and get ready for church. Pray for me : D