Friendships and Fellowship

This week I have thought alot about those two things I have met some great "family" since I have lived in Paragould. I call them family b/c they have been there for me whenever I have needed them. My dear friends good friend passed away this week and it made me realize how precious time is...God doesn't promise us tomorrow. We tend to get busy in our own lives and forget to make time for friends and fellowship. Sure we chat here and there but we dont stop and enjoy each other the way I believe God intended. I think He wants us to laugh and love and live lives with people...true relationships. The more we perfect our relationships with our husbands, family and friends...I think the better and more understanding we are in our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I am so glad I got to sit down and laugh and spend time with my "family" last night. G and Q and Kev and Kim are very important to my family. I know with Q and Kev heading out (Afghanistan) those moments are precious and I appreciate them sharing their time with me and my family. I admire them all for the sacrifices they have made and are continuing to make for us. Their families are amazingly strong and I hope I can help lift them up while their husbands are gone. I hope I can keep spending time with friends and building these relationships. I do love all my friends that are like family and have found that I do truly need them in my life.  Happy Birthday Jarred! Kim I hope you are making it through this day! :)

Happy Birthday Just and Jere!

Ok so I am a day late...on blogging but considering the week I have had that's pretty good. My twins are now 15!!! I cannot believe it. We had See You At The Pole yesterday and Saw You At The Pole last night so they didn't really get to enjoy their day the way most birthdays are celebrated. They did have fun and get to hang out with close friends and have pizza and cookie cake and cupcakes. (Yea both) Every year one of them makes a compromise...(Just) but this year I got him his cookie cake and he as happy. This week our grandbaby Kaylin is here and I have been exhausted I even forgot to take them lunch so Rick and I decided when we go to Memphis Friday we will just let the boys miss school and go eat in Memphis. When they got this news they were totally fine with me not bringing them lunch. Imagine that huh? I just want to say after having an 8 1/2 month old baby for the past few days I am completely ok with them growing up lol.

9-7-03

6 years ago today marks the biggest turning point in my life. I know exactly where I was and remember exactly what I was thinking which is odd b/c the next 3 months maybe even next year was a complete blur. I sat in Cleveland Clinic in the step down unit with Amelia questioning everything fearing the worst about my Princess. My fear? That she had completely given up and was tired of fighting it was in her face...in her eyes it was like I could see her soul. Her Rick (Daddy) and Papa had left and she was tired in every sense of the word. She didn't want to be Snow White she didn't want to spend the night at Nana and Papa's she just wanted to be left alone. IT was the first time in her life I had ever seen her defeated. I was crushed she was who I stayed strong for she was my trooper and my trooper was giving up. Everyone knew something bad was going on but noone knew what that was or how to fix it. The nurses that were ending there 72 hr rotation were saying see you Wednesday...which was impossible b/c we was supposed to go home Monday..they knew. I knew. Amelia even knew. The docs made rounds 9-8...and all agreed she was not doing well...and decided to do a minor surgery to "evacuate a clot" so simple but I knew it wasn't that simple deep down it seemed major. When they came to get her and I got to carry her into the OR I didn't want to let go she even hugged me a lil tighter it was the last time my Princess would tell me she loved me it was the last time I would know she heard and understood me. I dont recall if I sang it or if it was in the background but "You are my Sunshine" is what I hear when I see this visual image..It was the song I sang to her when i held her "Please don't take my Sunshine AWAY" was my prayer my cry out to the Lord. I am certain God gave me peace when everything was frantic I am certain He gave me rest because when Jennifer (our fave nurse) came in the room I was resting. The words coming from her mouth haunt me "She coded and we are doing everything we can to get her back...I can't stay I gotta go help with her" I truly believe Jennifer needed to be in there and I needed her to be in there...I looked around in a haze...everyone on the floor was frantic everything seemed to be in slow motion but you could tell something was going on. The people next door were getting ready to go home and they said Dr Mee's nurses are running around everywhere literally running. I didn't know they was running for Amelia they were trying to save her life. I was sitting there trying to figure out what I was supposed to do who I was supposed to call trying to stay calm but there was no way. For the first time since 7-1-97 I did not want to be Amelia's Mom b/c it was unbearable I did not want to be in my skin...I honestly wanted it to be me having my heart put on bypass because it was truly breaking. I wanted to scream I had noone there yet noone to hug me. I didn't want Rick to know how bad it was because he wasn't there yet he was stuck in Detroit. His flight was delayed all I could do was call people and give them news and I don't even remember who I called or what I said . I was fortunate to have been to Cleveland enough to know the staff there and they was very helpful. It didn't matter there was nothing anyone could say or do to calm me. I was in limbo. I couldn't breath I have never felt so out of control. I think back to that time and realize how different I am now and how much that changed me. My walk with Christ is different.  I pray different. I love different. I cry different. I even laugh different. It changed every part of me...I grew and the growing pains hurt. Right now 6 years later I'm better, stronger, and know more about love God's love then I have ever known. I gauge all pain against that pain and none compares thats what makes me stronger. There's a scar on my heart that willl always be and I keep as a reminder of  how precious time and love is and how big God is.